Tag Archives: Obama

selections from Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

“She’ll come back and be a serious Americanah like Bisi,” Ranyinudo said.

They roared with laughter, at that word “Americanah,” wreathed in glee, the fourth syllable extended, and at the thought of Bisi, a girl in the form below them, who had come back from a short trip to America with odd affectations, pretending she no longer understood Yoruba, adding a slurred r to every English word she spoke. (78) Continue reading

Posted in dear diary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

ladies first

it’s Mother’s Day, and everything from breakfast in the city to wine in the country to dinner back at home was actually going amazingly swimmingly… until i blew up at my dad for calling michelle obama ugly.


“that’s such a fucked up thing to say,” i said.

i could feel my nerves twanging as i (barely successfully) picked up everyone’s dirty dishes and ran away to the kitchen to wash away my anger.

it wasn’t just the statement itself. everyone’s entitled to feel attracted (or not) to whomever they want. it was the fact that he’d rattled over a few minutes why obama (the president) sucked so much compared to bush and clinton and every other president ever for so blatantly catering to the money in silicon valley etc etc etc. as for michelle? she sucks cause she’s ugly, obviously.

it wasn’t even just that.

it’s also hearing about a couple kids casually referring to their neighbor as a “whore.” it’s also the fact that hundreds of teenage girls just got robbed of their lives for a few bucks and an eternity of perversion. it’s the fact that some people think there’s nothing we can do about that. it’s India and its fucked up culture of rape. it’s conservative Islamic courts and the same. it’s the U.S. and our outrage at seeing Janet Jackson’s boob or Miley twerking, but our love and pride when the hypersexuality is controlled. the Bechdel test has broken my mind.

i don’t even know what i’m talking about anymore. i read too much. i stare at too many scrolling tweets and see too much media. i know that men are largely judged on their works and actions, women on how good they look while they’re doing things. i know it’s not just them. i know it’s not just my dad or my brothers or my mom… i know it’s me.

i am the rapist living scot-free in Delhi. i am the judge that set him free. i am the wealthy, white American quietly cursing both the judge and the rapist from halfway across the world. i am the wealthy, white American wondering whether it’s her fault for dressing a certain way. or perhaps even wondering whether she liked it. i am the knife, slashing my own fat belly at a perfect right angle.

from whence all this passion? woman i am not.

no matter. i am afflicted with a sickness. why else would exile sound so sweet? sleeping under the freezing stars, surviving on trail mix and water, months and months and months on the run—vacation. thankfully, i’ll have a companion: woman i am not and, without woman, i am nothing. Continue reading

Posted in dear diary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

how i voted in 2012

YES on 30 (tax the rich to fund the schools) NO on 31 (two-year budget cycle instead of one) NO on 32 (ban on corporate and union contributions to state and local candidates) NO on 33 (car insurance rates can … Continue reading

Posted in dear diary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

drunk acid fucking [archive]

~ 1 ~

“I’ll take this one.”
All poetry is autobiography.
if going is going and going is gone
then where are we glowing
from the effects of the flash
I did not ash
with my crayon laden hand
like a dense cigarette
ONE SPEACIAL (so fuckin’ postmodern)


This is the idea that I have
but um errrrrrrrrrr
Fuck other people
they’re not saying anything

We always talk about
Dude Uh ha ha
I don’t think it’s possible,
the green that is called
pintree road, gingery
train stops to get off
the name
vie come back

Eat my shit

Write me a poem
I forgot,
there is a camera
behind my ear
make it its own pain
give everything its
own page

You did this:
Green and blue and
I am tripping
energy, oh my

last time
I was in a nice place
I really want a keytar
Human beings
Are wired in specific ways
8th grade: I wore
this sweater is
what I wore
A writer is someone
My mind is so mystical
(is anyone else
having trouble

the sound of
the sound of
me moving
–your life is a big
The cap fell
I always have troubling
because I am a
the big ball of paper


we are artists
I might move
is part of
the me

My vision
My dreams are my
close your eyes and
everything stops,

I need
I need

This is what your
hair looked like
moving back

Fix it?
What is
there to
I can’t watch the
words bein

She is just
the universe
and I
am too
in different

I’m experiencing
sight sound
taste touch

we are creating
on planet
We are always
It doesn’t
have a

climates are places where
we all feel the same
people know each other
best in places where
the temperature doesn’t
Holy fuck
thats Ronny

my names
the atoms
in the

If you
a trip
you come
back to
the place
where you

LIfe is one
where is


~~ 2 ~~

Thurs, March 4 — New American Poetry
Kerouac, Carso; Lawrence Ferlenghetti

I journal
I journey
spaces of probabity
yes yes only yes
my pen thinks

if only there was a day in which I
could play but if in a daze I
can create little daisies
bed angels

Ronny is God
we are creatures on planet bed
writing his bibles
different thoughts at
the same location
there’s so many stimulations
I don’t know what
predesignated dotted
I forgot that I have to be
in that window reality
the ultimate celestial divinity

makes tripod triquestrians
trees winding
I forgot everything
losing touch with
my mind
my face

hotness is my face
as if it is on fire
but I also wrote









your nose reminds me
of a mountain I once saw
it meant everything that
I wanted it to mean
everything in analog
I wine have not
me have it

I am Albert Einstein

I cant not


can I hold it
while it burns
CAREFUL ! It burns
while you hold it
my letters cant make


brugs are the universal counterculture

what is it like to
be like

oh here
is where
I was
Barack opoma
I want to see you writing
but I cant

Leonardo I have a
Leonardo on Hardo
you ache of me
you reak of me.


because purple
you cant tune
in to too many
the visions of
Im dreaming
I’m dreaming
it swallows
for the doves that have come
rummage hat sha cant
manage my hollows
How can we both write
poems when
the acid mind

one way trip
round trip
Life is one

If I could tell you
where I just went
its too far
I want to
that my
is fairly
in the
“The mirror sees “The mirror sees
everything that greater everything that
we can’t.” context we can.”
— aerienne of the universe — ronny
and how are you today, sir?” Continue reading

Posted in poetry of the universe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

firsts [archive]

they finally posted the coachella lineup:

FRIDAY: i can’t stop loling it up. what a complete joke. paul mccartney? nobody cares about paul mccartney except paul mccartney. hey paul: Hey Jude sucked then and it sucks now. i wish they had gotten John Lennon instead. i hear Morrissey is cool, so i guess people could watch him instead of franz ferdinand. Meryl raved a bit about Leonard Cohen but i know nothing about him. Conor Oberst is a dick but i’m sure he’ll put on a cool show, along with Beirut, Black Keys, and Girl Talk. god i think the only act i would actually be crazy about seeing on friday is M. Ward. i’ve also heard a lot of good things about the Bug from people whose music taste i respect.
consider: Aphex Twin and mum alone destroy this entire lineup.

SATURDAY: the killers? the killers? people listen to the killers? i mean, the killers? the killers was the band that i kept comparing nin to the day The Hand That Feeds leaked. my head dropped in my hands and i almost cried because my favorite band in the whole universe was turning into the killers. now the band i used for such lofty comparisons is headlining coachella on saturday. awesome. amy winehouse? i don’t know. Thievery Corporation is cool and all, but it’s really just second-rate Portishead. everyone loves TV on the Radio and MSTRKRFT but i have yet to get into either. Fleet Foxes!! Mastodon! Henry Rollins?? Hercules and Love Affair? Dr. Dog? Calexico? alright these are pretty cool acts, but still nothing that really wows. i’m pretty sure this was the killer (ha) day for me at last coachella.
consider: Kraftwerk, Portishead, Animal Collective, and Prince vs. Thievery Corporation, Amy Winehouse, Fleet Foxes, and The Killers

SUNDAY: wow! a good headliner! i actually would love to see The Cure, but they’re not going to make me crazy about missing the festival. with My Bloody Valentine, we’re starting to talk. Public Enemy? apparently Sunday is the day to go. i guess Sebastien Tellier, Junior Boys, and Supermayer might be cool to see. but still…..
consider: Roger Waters performs the Dark Side of the Moon followed by Justice afterparty.

as much as i bitch about the lineup, it pleases me immensely to see how much it sucks….. because i can’t go anyway! moving on.

i bought my first pack of cigarettes yesterday. why? i am a big proponent of experimentation and indulgence. experimentation opens up the mind to the world and its many ways. i feel that the unexperimenters have destined themselves to the couch in front of their tv, watching reruns, fast forwarding through commercials, eating the food they know they love, happy, content, placid, bored. experimenting not only helps you understand the billions of people and animals and rocks and nothingness around you, but it also helps you understand yourself. indulgence is less defendable, in my opinion, but it just happens to reflect a big part of who i am. jumping into a pool is far more interesting than inching in. i like to spread out my arms and say Everything Everything Everything. i can’t just “like” bands, i have to obsess over them. i am going to enter the world of smoking while in Europe and then i’ll leave when i return to the US. i actually made a $20 bet with Xanthe last night that i will never buy a single damn cigarette in the US. as naive as it might sound, i am serious about this. why smoke tobacco when you can smoke marijuana?

yesterday was also the first time that i went to a lesbian bar. i’m friends with these girls that live together–Xanthe, Maddy, Caitlin–and the latter has been here since last semester. she wanted to take us and since they’re all really cool, i didn’t have any problem with it. the four of us, sam, and whitney went together and had a pretty sweet time. for not being a lesbian (besides being the kind stuck in a man’s body, ha ha), i actually really liked the place. it was chill.

today i woke up around 2 and got out of bed to get myself some lunch at cya. i ate alone, but since i’ve managed to get my iphone on the wireless network there, i made good use of the time to read a ton of nytimes. apparently a bunch of neo-forests are springing up where older rain forests had been slaughtered earlier, with such great intensity and speed that scientists around the world are going ? ? ? what’s going on ? ? ? are environmentalists crazy ? ? ? i wish i understood the world ? ? ? it’s funny watching people try to figure out what the hell is happening around them. it made me happy to see that millions have been protesting in the streets of France against sarkozy. no matter what the cause, i always support protest. it makes me happy to see people getting pissed off and yelling. they seem so alive!

i actually found myself surprised to read some nice articles about the US. apparently senators can still do things. i don’t know the details of the bill, but it seems good enough on the surface. unfortunately, “The bill would increase tobacco taxes to offset the increase in spending, estimated at more than $32 billion over four and a half years.” it sucks that smokers get punished for something they should be free to do without special taxes. raise taxes on broccoli and alcohol and roller coasters, too.

dude. look at our fucking president:

what. a fucking. baller. Obama makes signing a bill look like moonwalking. i’m down with girls getting paid the same as boys. then after calling out the bulls on parade, he tells people to just chill out a little bit. leaving lunch, i started a little wander through the streets of Athens. a few minutes after starting my walk, with all the nytimes running through my head, a smile just broke across my face. the sky was a pale blue with some scattered puffs of clouds and i actually felt good about things my President was saying and doing. i almost wanted to go up to some random person and say, “hey. do you know Barack Obama? he’s my president.” this is so unlike me and i’m still remembering that he’s plugged into one of the most corruptible systems in the world, but still. things are looking pretty alright so far. he seems to actually think, care, consider. he seems to hate bullshit and bullshitting around. he seems cool. THIS is the guy i would want to kick a few beers back with.

i have a map of Athens pinned on the wall behind my computer, so i’m always thinking with my eyes, i want to go.. there! the closest thing to me was what looked like a giant cemetery. so i started wandering there, mapless, and eventually found it. i don’t know how it compares to say, pere lachaise, in size, but it’s pretty massive. i just walked through it directionless, trying to get lost among death, and i eventually got deep enough in that the ambience of traffic was nearly muted. death obsesses me. i really have no idea if other people are down with exploring random cemeteries by themselves, but i think its pretty profound. i think a lot about how everyone thinks about death. we think about those who have gone before and we wonder when our own time will come. we wonder why so many people have such big markers, but then we consider those who were left to the dogs.

in classical Greece, being left for the dogs stood as one of the, if not the one, deepest disgraces one could suffer. personally, i wouldn’t mind being left for the dogs. they’re hungry dogs, and even if you hide under meters of marble, they’ll find you eventually. Continue reading

Posted in dear diary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

change [archive]

last night i sat in a big room and watched the inauguration with a bunch of my fellow students. i love Aretha Franklin. i love that extremely talented quartet, in spite of CNN’s incredibly rude interruption to tell us about some stupid technicality in the Constitution making Obama president.

Fuck rick warren. Fucking Feinstein opens up the inauguration with all this wonderfulness about our freedoms and peaceful passage of power (which is true, we are doing pretty well, considering the rest of the world), but then we open up one of the most goddamn important rituals in this government with a distinctly CHRISTIAN prayer and the officials are sworn in with their hands on bloody CHRISTIAN texts. i hate it. it makes me want to spit at the screen. i hate it when people laugh at the fact that a minority of Greeks in the countryside still believe in the Greek gods. What? should they get with the program? are religions like software? do these idiot hillbillys need a software update? Greek religion = 1.0. christianity = 2.0. scientology = 3.0. you laugh and say the scientologists are crazy, well i say you’re crazy. i say the scientologists are crazy. i say the christians are batshit. i say all of you god-fearing motherfuckers are crazy. almost as crazy as me.

i apologize for the rant.

i liked Obama’s speech. i had pretty low expectations; maybe he’d mention “that auto mechanic in Detroit, who had to start working nights to pay for his daughter’s abortion” and “that Mexican babysitter in Omaha that had to start working the streets to pay her son’s way through college” etc etc. instead he actually mixed it up, addressing not only the American voter, but the entire world. i like that he didn’t just shrug off our enemies but recognized their existence and said to them, we’re in this together. i am pretty optimistic about his presidency and i hope he doesn’t let us down. maybe his first order of business could be to get rid of the opening inaugural prayer.

i just got back from a pointless 3-hr meeting where professionals sat at a long wooden table in front of an auditorium of sleepy/hungover/jetlagged students and one-by-one walked to the podium to tell us where they were born, where they went to a school, how much love their mama gave ’em, and what their purpose is in our lives. why must meetings always be so dull? it seems the bigger the meeting, the less that happens. maybe this strikes at the core of why i like smaller groups. i love being by myself. i’m in the apartment by myself right now thinking, writing, loving, being. but at the same time, i love being with one other person. talking to them, walking with them, looking at them, hugging, kissing, fucking them, and just thinking in the same 6-foot radius as them. even with three people, i’m pretty happy, but it’s not really uncommon for me to just let the other two have the conversation while i stare into space thinking about nothing. four, five, six, ten, a hundred people, i like, but it’s a different experience, and i can’t say i prefer it. it seems like it gets harder to be real and the bullshit piles up. to return to my original point, this orientation meeting was garbage and i wish they had just emailed us a 2-page document with everything that they just had to wake us up at 830 to tell us.

man, i am in such a ranting mood this afternoon. Continue reading

Posted in dear diary | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment