Tag Archives: anxiety

going downtown

an enormous cloud hangs over the city
as i walk up 2nd Ave smoking
the remnant of a good night, breathing
the rain-washed air of a good day.

i snap a picture of the cloud
with my phone, with my phone
pay the bus fare, sit in the last
square of four seats occupied by three
silent, independent women, each wearing
a distinct set of dark shades. mine barely
cover my eyes as i look south to see
the cloud retreating and the bright sun
emerging, blanketing everything.

suddenly, the three stages of consciousness
blind me:

first, squinting, measuring the luminosity,
cursing myself for forgetting a hat,
wondering about skin cancer, meditating on the family.
second, reasoning, realizing that by
slightly lifting my limb i can slow the effect
of aging. finally, believing,
breathing in, being,
eyelids down aware that death is
and will always be, so may as well
repose on the sunny side. Continue reading

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Hardcore, Hardstyle, Electro, Hard Trance

it’s before 1000 on a saturday, and yet i am awake and bursting. it’s much too early to start up the bass, so i might as well try to wank with words instead. last night, i went to Amsterdam. J … Continue reading

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stress [archive]

to-do list for the next month:

  • write 1-2 page lit paper
  • read 300+ pages for lit
  • write 4-5 page art paper
  • fafsa
  • write 8-10 page trag paper
  • write 1-2 page lit paper
  • get a summer job
  • write 1-2 page lit paper
  • write thesis proposal
  • register for classes
  • room draw
  • write 4-5 page art paper
  • write 4-5 page myth paper
  • write 8-10 page lit paper

  • study for myth midterm
  • study for Greek midterm

and yet, i really don’t feel as much anxiety as one might expect. a couple hours ago the internet died while abi expelled all the demons of stress from her system, so i hope she doesn’t think i just got sick of listening and signed off. i feel you, abi. after all, it is that time of the year. it’s strange to think that some people (read: Adam) are only beginning a new era, while me and so many others around me see our’s coming to a close.

i don’t know how i’m not stressing right now. after the internet died, i got into an organizing groove, one of my favorite activities. first, i connected my iphone to my computer and replaced a lot of the music on there with new stuff. all the while, i listened to music, of course. first some simon and garfunkel, a dash of minor threat, a dash of Radiohead, a dash of John Coltrane Quartet, and finally Nick Drake’s ‘Family Tree’ came on, which i let play on through ’til the end. i think the Drake really cooled my senses. i don’t know how many bay area shows, how many santa cruz shows, how many socal shows i’ve been to where a guy gets up in front of a little crowd of dirty music lovers and tries to sing and strum like he’s Nick Drake. half of the magic of the man for me is that he’s just a guy with a guitar, but he makes it sound unique. it’s a real challenge.

with the internet still dead, i let shuffle decide my next album to listen to while cleaning up my life. it chose j dilla’s ‘donuts.’ i’ve ranted a bit about it before on here, it’s real nice add hip hop instrumental samples music. i cleaned up my desk, got some laundry ready for the wash, placed a new screen cover on my iphone–generally did the little things that make my life feel less disorganized. i just got out of the shower and have nothing to do now. nothing to do–ha! i’ll upload this once the internet works, but until then, accept this psychic transmission: life is good. Continue reading

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