favorites from Hatch’s Order of Magnitude: Methodical Rankings of the Commonplace and the Incredible for Daily Reference by a Man of Extraordinary Genius and Impeccable Taste

Degrees of Life Milestones, In order of importance from least to greatest (37)

  1. Birthday
  2. Anniversary
  3. Sweet 16
  4. Driver’s license
  5. Twenty-first birthday
  6. Third marriage/life partnership ceremony/ordination
  7. Graduation (middle/secondary school)
  8. Over-the-hill party
  9. Coming-of-age ceremony (Bar Mitzvah, QuinceaƱera, debutatante ball, Kovave)
  10. Graduation (high school)
  11. Second marriage/life partnership ceremony/ordination
  12. Graduation (college)
  13. Retirement party
  14. Graduation (Master’s degree)
  15. Graduation (doctorate)
  16. First marriage/life partnership ceremony/ordination
  17. World-class achievement (Nobel Prize, Oscar, Fields Medal, Pulitzer, Olympic Gold Medal, Super Bowl Championship)
  18. Coronation/taking presidential oath of office
  19. Death and funeral
  20. Birth
  21. Birth of one’s own child
  22. Apotheosis

Sex by Voracity (40)

  1. Make sweet, sweet love
  2. Make love
  3. Do it
  4. Have sex
  5. Pork
  6. Fuck
  7. Bang
  8. Rail
  9. Ravage

Happiness to Sadness, as Expressed in Emoticons (57)

  1. :.D
  2. :.)
  3. =D
  4. :D
  5. =)
  6. :)
  7. :P
  8. :|
  9. :\
  10. :s
  11. :(
  12. :.(
  13. D.:

The Obscenity Continuum (68)

  1. Darn
  2. Damn
  3. Ass
  4. Dick
  5. Pussy
  6. Cock
  7. Shit
  8. Fuck
  9. Cunt
  10. Ethnic-specific term with negative connotation

Instant Messenger Laughs (73)

  1. eh
  2. heh
  3. ha
  4. hah
  5. haha
  6. lol
  7. Lol
  8. LOL
  9. LOL!
  10. LOLOLOL
  11. LOLLOLOOOLLASDFSDFlfdsjkalhk!!!!!
  12. LMAO
  13. LMFAO
  14. ROFL
  15. Roflcopter
  16. ROFLMAO
  17. ROFLMFAO

Digits in Order of Expendability (78)

  1. Little toe
  2. #4 toe
  3. #3 toe
  4. #2 toe
  5. Pinkie
  6. Ring finger
  7. Middle finger
  8. Big toe/great toe/hallux
  9. Index finger
  10. Thumb
  11. Penis

Breast Size (78)

  1. Mosquito bite
  2. Tittles
  3. Miglins
  4. Nuglins
  5. Titties
  6. Tits
  7. Boobs
  8. Hooters
  9. Perfect
  10. Melons
  11. Gazongas
  12. Boulders

It Does Matter: Penis Size (78)

  1. Clitoris
  2. Peepee
  3. Willie
  4. Prick
  5. Schlort
  6. Wand
  7. Weiner
  8. Ding-dong
  9. Penis
  10. Wang
  11. Dick
  12. Johnson
  13. Package
  14. Cock
  15. Schlong
  16. Meat
  17. Slab
  18. Thud
  19. Third leg

Degrees of Self-Proclaimed Restaurant Notoriety (86)

  1. World Famous

The Cartoon Hierarchy of Intimidation (107)

  1. Mouse
  2. Cat
  3. Dog
  4. Lion
  5. Elephant
  6. Mouse
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2 Responses to favorites from Hatch’s Order of Magnitude: Methodical Rankings of the Commonplace and the Incredible for Daily Reference by a Man of Extraordinary Genius and Impeccable Taste

  1. Michael Hatch says:

    (author reporting in)Ahoy! just noticed this, excellent choices…particularly cringing at the penis list, but quite proud of the restaurant one. Good selects, and thx for the shout out :)

    • ronny says:

      thanks for the comment, Michael! (and for the immensely creative book.) there’s nothing quite as satisfying as a good list…

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