Monthly Archives: October 2006

i want to [archive-x]

Currently Listening
Come to Daddy EP
By Aphex Twin
Bucephalus Bouncing Ball
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i’m on page 526 in my calc book.
that’s my birthday.
today isn’t my birthday.
i cried today. Continue reading

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Carbon subscript 2, Hydrogen subscript 6, Oxygen subscript 1 [archive-x]

Currently Listening
The Soft Bulletin
By The Flaming Lips
What is the Light?
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i just drank a whole nalgene bottle of water. it was delicious.

what’s really interesting, i think, is the fact that water isn’t always delicious. the drink tasted delicious this time because i was thirsty. i could even tell, as the water level sank below the halfway point, and further still, that the good taste gradually transformed to a worser and worser taste. so, what i concluded is that factors in our life really only become significantly desirable when they become significantly needed.

this really isn’t a groundbreaking conclusion. likely, we’ve all talked about it before, but i like to make things really, really obvious. and then i like to take the obvious and tie it to the not-so-obvious.

okay so, let’s apply to this food. naturally, food tastes absolutely ambrosiac when eaten only after hunger has kicked in. the hungrier you are, the better your food tastes. this is all still pretty obvious. but okay, what if we split up food into different categories? if our body can provide us with hints as to when we don’t need water anymore, can it provide us with hints as to more complex bodily needs?

does milk start tasting worse if we don’t need anymore calcium?
does pasta start tasting worse if we don’t need anymore carbohydrates?
does meat start tasting worse if we don’t need anymore protein?

if our body actually alerted us like this, i would be amazed. i wonder if any controlled experiments have actually been run on the matter. regardless, we can make the question even more complex. what about drugs?

what motivates a human being to take drugs? a lot of authoritative figures answer, “peer pressure”. a lot of college students answer, “because it’s fun”. and then there’s a whole group of people who use drugs to send their depression and troubles away. there’s so much more to drug use, i know, but i’ll just discuss these issues.

can each answer be broken down in the same i way broke down water/food use?

1. Peer Pressure.

from the evolutionary perspective, human beings need a group of human beings to be a part of–it is essential to survival in the wild. thus, the body heartily accepts, for example, alcoholic beverages in order to join a group already accepting of it. that’s easy enough to see.

2. Happiness/Depression.

to introduce this concept, let’s accept that “state -1” represents a negative view of life, “state 0” represents an indifferent view, and “state 1” represents a positive view. if the perfect human body existed, it would always be hydrated, it would always have the right amount of calcium, and it would always be at state 1. in reality, though, we sometimes have deficiencies. sometimes we have to drink water. sometimes we have to drink milk. and sometimes, we have to make ourselves happier.

assuming drugs are the only path to happiness, for the sake of this concept, it can be said that a -1 person will drink/smoke/etc to get to either state 0 or state 1 (it can be argued that reaching state 0 would be a good enough improvement to someone accustomed to state -1). furthermore, a 0 person will drink/smoke/etc to get to state 1 and a state 1 person might drink/smoke/etc to reach the heightened state 2. the logical conclusion would be that state 1 people do less drugs than state 0 people and that state 0 people do less drugs than state -1 people.

does this play out in reality? i’m not inclined to look up statistical data, so i’ll claim that the following is all true: the greatest amount of drug use takes place among the impoverished–that’s where -1 is the majority. within the middle-class and upper-class, a pretty moderate amount of drug use exists; i would argue that there, 0 is the average. (unfortunately, this would mean that our society averages at about -0.5, but that’s a discussion for a later time).

SO. What’s the point? well, remember the conclusion above that “state 1 people do less drugs than state 0 people and that state 0 people do less drugs than state -1 people”? sure, the -1 mind will say DRINK DRINK WE NEED TO GET TO 0, but what’s the problem with that? well, if one tends to be a -1 most of the time, one will drink often, and slip into addiction. many drugs are addictive in this matter. unfortunately, the mind is easily susceptible to addiction. here’s the point i want everyone to see:

Of course, I may not be invincible, but I am a positive one person. Continue reading

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facts of life [archive-lj]

i just drank a whole nalgene bottle of water. it was delicious.

what’s really interesting, i think, is the fact that water isn’t always delicious. the drink tasted delicious this time because i was thirsty. i could even tell, as the water level sank below the halfway point, and further still, that the good taste gradually transformed to a worser and worser taste. so, what i concluded is that factors in our life really only become significantly desirable when they become significantly needed.

this really isn’t a groundbreaking conclusion. likely, we’ve all talked about it before, but i like to make things really, really obvious. and then i like to take the obvious and tie it to the not-so-obvious.

okay so, let’s apply to this food. naturally, food tastes absolutely ambrosiac when eaten only after hunger has kicked in. the hungrier you are, the better your food tastes. this is all still pretty obvious. but okay, what if we split up food into different categories? if our body can provide us with hints as to when we don’t need water anymore, can it provide us with hints as to more complex bodily needs?

does milk start tasting worse if we don’t need anymore calcium?
does pasta start tasting worse if we don’t need anymore carbohydrates?
does meat start tasting worse if we don’t need anymore protein?

if our body actually alerted us like this, i would be amazed. i wonder if any controlled experiments have actually been run on the matter. regardless, we can make the question even more complex. what about drugs?

what motivates a human being to take drugs? a lot of authoritative figures answer, “peer pressure”. a lot of college students answer, “because it’s fun”. and then there’s a whole group of people who use drugs to send their depression and troubles away. there’s so much more to drug use, i know, but i’ll just discuss these issues.

can each answer be broken down in the same i way broke down water/food use?

1. Peer Pressure.

from the evolutionary perspective, human beings need a group of human beings to be a part of–it is essential to survival in the wild. thus, the body heartily accepts, for example, alcoholic beverages in order to join a group already accepting of it. that’s easy enough to see.

2. Happiness/Depression.

to introduce this concept, let’s accept that “state -1” represents a negative view of life, “state 0” represents an indifferent view, and “state 1” represents a positive view. if the perfect human body existed, it would always be hydrated, it would always have the right amount of calcium, and it would always be at state 1. in reality, though, we sometimes have deficiencies. sometimes we have to drink water. sometimes we have to drink milk. and sometimes, we have to make ourselves happier.

assuming drugs are the only path to happiness, for the sake of this concept, it can be said that a -1 person will drink/smoke/etc to get to either state 0 or state 1 (it can be argued that reaching state 0 would be a good enough improvement to someone accustomed to state -1). furthermore, a 0 person will drink/smoke/etc to get to state 1 and a state 1 person might drink/smoke/etc to reach the heightened state 2. the logical conclusion would be that state 1 people do less drugs than state 0 people and that state 0 people do less drugs than state -1 people.

does this play out in reality? i’m not inclined to look up statistical data, so i’ll claim that the following is all true: the greatest amount of drug use takes place among the impoverished–that’s where -1 is the majority. within the middle-class and upper-class, a pretty moderate amount of drug use exists; i would argue that there, 0 is the average. (unfortunately, this would mean that our society averages at about -0.5, but that’s a discussion for a later time).

SO. What’s the point? well, remember the conclusion above that “state 1 people do less drugs than state 0 people and that state 0 people do less drugs than state -1 people”? sure, the -1 mind will say DRINK DRINK WE NEED TO GET TO 0, but what’s the problem with that? well, if one tends to be a -1 most of the time, one will drink often, and slip into addiction. many drugs are addictive in this matter. unfortunately, the mind is easily susceptible to addiction. here’s the point i want everyone to see:

Of course, I may not be invincible, but I am a positive one person.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: king crimson: the power to believe

Continue reading

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african aesthetics [archive-x]

Currently Listening
Essential Bob Dylan
By Bob Dylan
Rainy Day Women #12 & 35
see related

isn’t weird how one can make a joke without speaking? Continue reading

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like a rolling stone [archive-lj]

oh, life-journal. today was stressful and the skies were grey, literally.

basically, i woke up at around 7:30, on target to work on my research paper before Chem). i then immediately turned off all my alarms, as usual, before falling back asleep, as not-so-usual. then i woke up at 9:59, one minute before my chem class was scheduled to start. i meannn…… i could have run like a motherfucker and gotten there at 10:04, but come on, i haven’t skipped one class all semester. so i got out of bed, showered, checked my email, did spanish homework, and cursed like a motherfucker for not working on my research paper at all (like i had intended).

after spanish class, i went to lunch, finished calc homework, and then played tetris against chris on the way to class. i am too good at that game. too good. alright, fine, whenever i play wi-fi, some 6-year old kid always ends up kicking my ass, but i mean, i’m decent.

after calc, i walked very quickly back to my dorm, shut the door, made sure no one saw me, signed off aim and google talk, closed my email window, opened microsoft word and began. basically it was about 2:37 and the first draft of a 3-5 page research paper, complete with citations, was due at 5pm. i know, it could have been worse, it could have been 5-7 pages of a final draft due at 4pm, but then again, that would have just been impossible. i had a rough idea of what i was writing about when i began, and by the end, i was still confused. i think i submitted it at about 4:59:59, exactly.

needless to say, 5:00:01 felt amazing. and, fuck, it’s 6:29 and i have one minute to get to african dance. later.

Current Mood: rushed
Current Music: the essential bob dylan

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cellphone’s dead [archive-lj]

just got back from buying the new beck album… all i can say right now is that track 3 is funking funky as funk! mm.. mm.. good.

i drove to the local indie record store, rhino records, which is about a 7.6 minute walk away from my room (i mean, my car needs to be warmed up if it wants to make it to ucsb this weekend). basically, i’m leaving this saturday around noon to get as much andrea-time in as possible until i have to leave around noon the next day. and as for that day….

well, i was supposed to buy jen’s roger waters ticket and go with summer. but this past weekend, one of their friends died, quite possibly by od. now, summer is in no state to attend any concert, and so, either i find somebody else that wants to spend $100 to see roger waters this sunday night, or i don’t go at all. i’m leaning towards not going at all. i think i should be saving my money more.

this past weekend was definitely the biggest weekend of intoxication i’ve had so far. drinks and drinks, paraphenelia, foam, FOAM!? yes, i went to a foam party saturday, and yes, it brings out the sluttiness in everyone. gross.

at the very least, i have some variation to look forward to in the coming weekends. this weekend i’m driving to santa barbara to see andrea. next weekend i’m flying to boston to see tony. the weekend after billy and millie might be driving/flying down to see me. the weekend after my dad might be passing through on a car errand to (from?) phoenix. i love variation. i love balance.

i’ve always professed that the key to life is balance. balance in all things. balance in relationships. balance in diet. balance in musical taste. balance in drug use. balance balance balance. one can apply it endlessly to the properties of life, and lately i feel like i’m hardly balancing any of them.

where has the balance gone?

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: beck: the information

Continue reading

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